Paralyzed

I am paralyzed with fear. I don't know how to proceed. My body feels like jelly.

I gave up my life long dream of becoming a Medieval Literature professor at the insistence of the bane of my life, Sister Ellen. And, now I realize, it's not something I wanted to do anymore anyhow. I have no patience to read books from 800 years ago written in old English, especially since I can't read a modern novel to save my life.

I sold out and sought out a practical vocation at her insistence so that the vocational rehab program Vesid, would pay for my education. So, I picked computer programmer. But, they said they won't pay for it. However, I already made inroads into starting at DeVry and I start October 27th and I have all of these appointments I need to keep. But, I don't want to go to computer school. I chose it because it was practical, because it would eventually provide Shannah and me with a better life. But I don't want to do it. The basis of computer progamming is math and physics. I detest both math and physics . I flunked math once in H.S. and barely made it by with the skin of my teeth the other two years and would I failed physics, but I got a 65 on the Regents, the lowest passing score, which automatically passes you for the class.

Why would I enter a field where I hate the prerequisite knowledge.

Shannah doesn't want me to do it if it's not what I want.

I just want to be left alone, curled up in a ball in the corner, which is practicaly what I am doing now.

New Blog

So why are we all here instead of there? Well, someone tracked me down on the internet to my blog and began posting personal information including my mental health on the web, so I had to delete my old blog to prevent any further invasions.